youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
