I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
