And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
