so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
