so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
