I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
