Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I will be naked everywhere
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is my gift to your gina
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
