My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
