So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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