Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
