i don't like sucking hair
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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