the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
