Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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