Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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