he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
