Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
