I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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