While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
