I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
