i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
