my phone needs a breathalizer
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
