i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
