Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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