WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
