he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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