If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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