You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
