Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hippo gnu deer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
