I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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