and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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