My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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