Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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