my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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