last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
