no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
