I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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