she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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