you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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