I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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