I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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