chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
