1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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