Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
