i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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