I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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