Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
