saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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