yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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