tell your sister to shave her snatch
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
