I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
