You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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