I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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