Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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