Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
