You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
