I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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