i would punch a child for taco bell
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
