I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
