a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
