Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
