I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
