i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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