Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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