"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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