im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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