Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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