So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
