we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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