Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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