I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need a burrito and a hug.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm both gender and math confused
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
